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20 no-brainer commandments of social media

February 20th, 2009 | by Klaus Holzapfel |

1. Thou shalt not get sucked in by others to disclose too much private information.

2. Thou shalt have at least one face-to-face and one phone conversation per week.

3. Thou shalt not use performance-enhancing drugs (alcohol, Viagra, pot, etc.) before engaging with others online.

4. Thou shalt limit the number of social media accounts to 10,000.

5. Thou shalt abstain from inappropriate language, and use private channels to resolve conflicts.

6. Thou shalt not use more than 3 digital devices at a time while engaged in a face-to-face conversation.

7. Thou shalt practice talking without any lingo or acronyms for 10 minutes each day.

8. Thou shalt come up with at least one original thought per day.

9. Thou shalt maintain personal hygiene during 36 hour online marathons.

10. Thou shalt not threaten your service provider with anthrax during an Internet service interruption.

11. Thou shalt not pretend to be a guru, when in reality thou art a fool on the hill.

12. Thou shalt not be afraid to talk about being in jail – if thou are serving a lifetime sentence without parole.

13. Thou shalt not use thy dog’s or child’s name as a password.

14. Thou shalt not pretend to be someone else – unless thou absolutely must spy on their kids.

15. Thou that hath a thick accent shalt not become a podcaster.

16. Thou shalt not get a Second Life before a first one,

17. Thou shalt not speak up unless thou understands the language and conventions of the community thou hath joined.

18. Thou shalt not send every single email from thy iPhone or Blackberry.

19. Thou shalt be prepared to answer questions about those online pictures of thou downing shots in thy underwear, during your next job interview.

20. Thou shalt not live with thy head completely in the clouds.

Bonus commandment:
Thou shalt accept that if thou art an online pedophile, thou shalt rot in a dark non-digital hellhole. All pleas for forgiveness and redemption shall be summarily rejected.

Let’s hope you haven’t broken too many of them, yet.

Confessions will be heard at your next local Tweetup.

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